Weed Fic Pt 2: A Christmas Special
by jayasgoggles
Summary: The Welcome To Hell Gang learn the True Meaning of Christmas


Sock had been avoiding his employer for the past few weeks. He noticed the deity's…

Habit…

Becoming more and more frequent. This resulted in Sock spending a substantial amount of his time at Jonathan's. The demon was nearly a permanent resident of the Combs', a fact that stopped bothering Jonathan a while ago. However as the holiday season came around, things got a little more interesting. This Christmas would be very different than the 17 Jonathan had previously experienced.

It was Christmas Eve and Sock decided to actually visit Mephistopheles. As he approached the door he was surprised, no smell. He opened it to find his boss doing paperwork, his expression was one of frustration.

"Meph?"

He looked up. "Oh, Sock, come on in."

"Hey, boss." Sock said slowly approaching the desk.

"I know what you're going to ask, Sowachowski."

"Really?"

"Yeah, kid, I'm a deity! I can tell what goes through your puny human mind, as well as every other. You have the job you have because I've been in your mind since you could think."

"Oh."

"You're wondering why I'm not smoking."

"What can I say, you're right."

"Always am, kid."

"Well, why aren't you smoking then?"

"I'm just gonna come out and say it straight. I was cut off."

"By who?"

"Providence! Who do you think?!"

"I don't know?!"

"If you thought Tom, I'll let you know that he would never do such a thing. He loves me too much."

"What?"

"Nevermind, just don't try to imagine what we do after we smoke."

"Ew." Sock whispered to himself.

"Anyway, I lost my ability to materialize it. I'll probably never smoke again!"

"That's…. Unfortunate."

"I know! And I was on a roll, too!"

"Was that a-"

"Yes." Meph answered abruptly.

Sock sighed and turned to leave but was stopped by his own thoughts. "I'll see you soon, boss. I need to pester my assignment on something." He said on his way out the door.

Sock stormed into Jonathan's room.

"What are you doing here? I thought you were taking the holiday off." The teen asked.

"I need your help with something."

"Sure, Anything."

"I need you to buy some weed for my boss."

"What?!"

"You heard me!"

"I am _NOT_ buying marijuana for _Satan_!"

"They call it the devil's lettuce for a reason, Jon."

"Was that a pun?"

" _Shit_ , he's rubbing off on me!" Sock whispered.

"Whatever. I'm not doing it! Besides, the only place I can get weed around here is from Zack Melto and he's been a dick to me for 12 years! He'd probably jack up the prices just for me. Plus It's illegal!"

"Come on, Jonathan! If _I_ can break the law you can!"

" _You killed your parents and yourself!_ "

"See, worse than buying weed."

"Ugh! You're unbelievable."

"Oh, and you've technically broken the law…"

"What?!"

"Well, I guess not, I'm not 16 if I've been in the ground for 2 years!"

"Gross! Don't remind me!"

"See, _STILL_ worse than buying weed."

"Ugh! Stop!" Jon covered his face with his hands

Suddenly, the demon's face lit up with an idea. "Well, we could go to Colorado? Then price and legality wouldn't be a problem."

"I'm not driving all the way to Colorado for _this_!"

"Oh, _really_?" Sock's expression became seductive.

"Oh god, what now?"

Sock floated over to Jonathan and whispered in his ear, "Remember, my job isn't the only thing can I suck at."

Jon became flustered. "Oh… Okay…" He stammered.

"Yes!" "Sock cheered. "Let's get on the road now!"

Jonathan headed out the door and grabbed his wallet and keys. He couldn't believe it. He was buying weed for Satan.

After hours and hours of driving, they finally reached Colorado. They drove through town after town until they found a smokeshop.` Immediately upon walking in, seemingly infinite selections of weed were presented in front of the two. They stood mesmerized.

"What would he even want, Sock?" Jonathan whispered.

"May I help you, sir?" An employee abruptly asked the teen before his demon could respond.

"N-no. I'm good." Jon said nervously.

"Alright! Just let me know if you need help finding your dankest high!" She said walking away to help some other stoner.

"Come on, Jonathan! Just grab something!" He punched his human counterpart on the shoulder, forgetting the rules of touch-consent. The punch when right through unnoticed.

Jonathan grabbed .5g bag but before he could fill it Sock possessed him and made him grab and fill a 2g bag. He put the bag on the counter and pulled a 20 from his wallet.

"Are you sure you're 21, man?" The cashier asked.

Sock was always good at lying about his age, when he was alive, so now he'll lie about Jonathans for him.

"Of course I am!" The possessed boy gave the cashier a look, which simultaneously terrified her and turned her on. She shoved the bill into the cash register and sent him on his way.

Sock left Jonathan's body as they left the shop. Jon looked at the bag in his hand.

"What the _FUCK_ Sock!" He screamed. "Did you just make me spend $20 on weed for _SATAN_?!"

A man on the street stopped him. "You okay, pal?"

"I'm fine." Jonathan said

"I don't quite believe you, son. Maybe you need to go for a hike in the rocky mountains?"

"No."

"Skiing?"

"No."

"Weed?"

"Definitely not."

"You're holding a bag in your hand, kid."

"I know, can you leave me alone."

"Fine, Jeesh." The man said and went on his way.

Jonathan got in his car, followed by Sock. Jonathan boiled as they drove.

"I can't believe we just did this!" he fumed.

"I remember that's what you said aft-"

"Stop."

"Whatever," Sock's face went smug. " _Jonstar420_."

"How the fuck did you-"

"You still have those shitty MS Paint animations saved on your computer."

"Wha-"

"And you forgot to deactivate your old devinatART."

"Sock I-"

"I knew you were a Homestuck but a _Furry_? _THAT_ I did not see coming."

"I am _NOT_ a furry!"

"I beg to yiffer."

"Not the puns again."

"Don't worry Jon, Nyall furries are bad."

"Oh my god."

"They're just yiffrent!"

"One more pun and the drugs go out the window."

"Okay…" Sock recoiled.

When they finally arrived back at Jonathan's it was late at night. Jonathan was nervous about his parents finding out he was carrying illegal substances, so he crept around the house in a sneaky fashion until he got to his room.

"I still can't believe this actually happened." The teen sighed.

"Well it did, now do you have a box?" Sock said, darting around the room, looking for one.

"Oh my god." Jon said, face tucked into his hands.

"What?" Sock had found the box and was now ripping out pages of Jonathan's diary.

Jon looked up. "Sock what are you doing?!"

"He's gotta roll the joint with something!"

At this point Jonathan had put up with so much of that day's endeavor that he was numb and tired and didn't even try to stop Sock. "Fine." He exasperated. "But now that I did your favor, now you should do mine."

"You're gonna have to wait until Christmas!" Sock cheered.

"Sock. It'll be Christmas in 5 minutes!"

"You still gotta wait!" And with that the demon darted away with the box of weed and teenage emotions. He stopped in the kitchen to grab a bag of Doritos. He wrapped that package in red and green and left a tag that said "Take a Holiday Boss!".

Upon arriving to Meph's office Sock was confronted with a different sensation, one that felt even more familiar. There was a thick steamy feel to the atmosphere of hell, one that was unlike its usual heat. He entered the office.

"Merry Christmas boss! I brought y-" He began before freezing in horror.

Mephistopheles leaned back on his desk, shirtless with pants unzipped. The lead janitorial hellbound demon, Tom, was nearly on top of the deity. Tom was in a corset and had lacy ribbon wrapped in bows around his horns. Sock stared blankly at the scarring scene, like a child witnessing their parents… ya'know.

He dropped the neatly wrapped box and bolted out the door and back to Jonathan's.

After Tom and Meph finished their… _recreational activities_ … Tom went back to to his part of hell and the devil went back to work. Sock's gift was now on his desk, he looked up from his paperwork and gazed at it for a bit.

"Maybe I should open this thing." He did so and stared at the wonders inside. He pulled them out, rolled a joint with Jonathan's secrets, lit it with hellfire and inhaled. "Nice goin' kid." He said, exhaling the smoke. "I hope you're not a one hit wonder."

And that's how the whole gang learned the _true_ meaning of Christmas!


End file.
